All About Japanese

It's just a parody by Jeff, but still a good laugh at the corporate insensitivity and ruthless impersonal actions of Bill Newlin in recent years.

Reuters Newswire

Blackwater USA, the private security firm hired by the Department of Defense and the State Department to provide support in Baghdad, announced today that it has urchased Avalon Travel Publishing. The sale was announced after the close of trading on the Dow Jones Stock Exchange.

"I've long admired the management style of Avalon, particularly the Moon component," said Col. (Retired) Mike Hammer, CEO of the controversial security firm. "I thought we ran a tough outfit, but after seeing how Bill Newlin and his people deal with authors, we knew we had to have his team on board with us. The best way to get talent, I always say, is to go out and buy it."

Hammer elaborated on the management style at Moon. "I admire a kick-ass company with absolutely no heart. That's what it takes to succeed today. If someone's been with you for more than four years, throw them out! They're useless. Cut the wages and hire some dumb bastards who don't know any better. That's how we try to operate at
Blackwater, but we're pikers compared to these guys at Moon. I expect to learn a lot from from them in the coming months."

Hammer and Newlin announced the titles to be released in the spring of 2008:

--Road Trip Iraq: Jamie Jenson dodges IEDs for a humorous romp through Fallujah, Tikrit, and Mossel.

--Rick Steve's Green Zone Through the Back Door (Quickly! Quickly!)

--The Practically Dead Nomad, by Edward Hasbrouck

--The Run Over Dog Lover's Guide to Iran, by Margaret Littman

Newlin announced that the few authors being retained by Moon will be asked to input more typesetting codes and, beginning in January of 2008, to glue the covers on their books. "We call these Moon 'Handbooks,'" he noted, "so we think that authors ought to have a hand in the production."

Hammer and Newlin also announced a new website that will focus on management. "We've had a lot of success with www.travelmatters.com," said Newlin, "so our new site, which we will roll out when we hire a new web crew to replace the one we just fired, will be called loyaltydoesntmatter.com."

Media inquiries should be sent to Hannah Cox.

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With love and happiness to all,

Jeff